The purpose of this article is to suggest that we all too often understand Buddhism in terms of One-Sided Solutions which don't actually solve anything, and that we would do better if, instead, we worked with the Complementary relationship between life's various two-sided polarities.
From the ridiculous to the sublime. A good example of a One-Sided Solution would be 'detachment', which is frequently taken to mean that we should "not get involved" with our emotions, or even that we should completely avoid discriminating between different ways of interpreting events - e.g. "I do/don't like the way he's acting."
This strategy may be one way of getting a bit of peace - although it would probably be a lot easier to just go and have a lobotomy - but if 'detachment' then gets extended to include 'non-discrimination' in terms of moral/political choices it can end up being very dodgy indeed.
In fact, most principles behind the idea of 'detachment' are so wide of the mark that it's not even a One-Sided Solution but would be better described as a Ridiculously One-Sided Solution. Personally, I reckon that we should just stop using the word and instead refer to the genuinely useful possibilities which presently go under the heading of 'detachment' by using a different word, for example - 'non-grasping'.
Yet, 'non-grasping', taken in isolation, would also be a One-Sided Solution - so what we need to do is to combine it with its Complementary Opposite, which in this case would be something like 'engagement' - a willingness to engage with and appreciate life's suchness.
Making it happen. Having arrived at an understanding of our experience in terms of Complementary Opposites, there is a further and final stage in the approach which I'm suggesting as an alternative to One-Sided Solutions - we need to ask ourselves what Essential Quality would allow us to go beyond dealing with these ideas as just an abstract exercise and instead actually integrate them into our everyday lives.
In the case of 'non-grasping' and 'engagement' I reckon that the Essential Quality which we require is 'fluidity' - in the sense that, if we imagine life as a river, then detachment is about sitting on the bank and staying dry, whereas fluidity is about moving in time with the suchness of that river, a perfect combination of engagement and non-grasping.
No, really, I don't mind. To take another example of a Ridiculously One-Sided Solution, consider the tendency amongst Buddhists towards self-deprecation - or as someone once put it, "becoming a doormat for all sentient beings". As with 'detachment' there is a valid truth behind this idea, but as before this is better expressed by using a slightly clumsy negative, i.e. 'non-selfishness'. Equally, non-selfishness is still a One-Sided Solution so it therefore has a Complementary Opposite, which turns out to be 'authenticity' (following the OED definition or authentic as "possessing inherent authority", i.e. being self-justified).
The Essential Quality which would allow us to combine non-selfishness and authenticity would perhaps be 'empathy', by which I mean an insight into the fact that all sentient beings are, by definition, sentient - i.e. that they have feelings. In terms of how we relate to other people, this insight automatically stops us wanting to treat them as objects which we can manipulate to fit in with our self-centred schemes. It can also be turned inward to cultivate self-respect and an ability to understand what our own feelings mean - or in other words, authenticity.
'Empathy' would also be a good word to use instead of 'compassion' - a sentiment which is fine in the abstract, but quickly reveals itself to be essentially patronising once you try it out on actual flesh-and-blood people.
How it works at work. The only reason for trying to understand life in terms of Complementary Opposites is so that we can change how we relate to the real world. In this spirit, I'll take an example now from my own life, i.e. from my work as a free-lance English teacher in the state sector - a significant part of which involves telephoning schools to suggest that they might like to pay me to come in and do a session with their students.
One of the reasons why I've been reasonably successful in this work is that I'm able to remain fairly relaxed about the financial insecurities which are inevitable in any kind of free-lance work, but at the same time I can apply a determined attitude to the various obstacles which are thrown up by having to deal with any large scale bureaucracy. In short; remaining relaxed prevents me from cracking up, and so allows me to apply the necessary determination; being determined prevents me from losing so much work that my relaxed attitude would be stretched beyond breaking point by the financial destitution which would follow. Neither quality would be viable on its own, but applied in unison they actually enhance each other - and this is the essence of what I am proposing as an alternative to the usual One Sided Solutions.
What I'm not saying. At this point, I'd like to clarify what I'm not proposing - for example, the strategy of replacing one quality by another. This can be a very useful strategy, and I do use it myself - for example, whenever I have a phone conversation with someone about working at their school, I always make a point of being very relaxed so as to let then know that I'm not going to get pushy with them. This usually has the effect of making them feel relaxed as well, and as a result we get to have the extended conversation which some people would try to engineer by being pushy and domineering. However, if used in isolation, this strategy would just be another One-Sided Solution as all it really does is replace a forceful (yang) approach with a yielding (yin) one.
There is, however, a way of using the strategy outlined above which would overcome its one-side limitations, namely by combining it with its mirror opposite, - a strategy that substitutes a yang approach for a yin one. For example, if I'm on the phone to someone and the conversation is starting to drift, then I might decide to move things on a bit by making a very definite (yang) intervention - such as, "So, is there any particular day of the week which would suit you best?"
Also, it is important to distinguish what I'm suggesting here from a strategy which involves bringing opposite qualities into harmony by fixing them into a static and bland equilibrium. Instead, we should use a dynamic approach which allows each quality to be brought into play as appropriate - with, say, a comment at the yang end of the scale being thrown in every now and then as a way to maintain an overall balance of yin and yang in the full course of the conversation, Equally, we would never get to make these yang interventions unless we used a relaxed, more yin, approach at first to help get things off the ground.
Some more examples. As well as the example given above, where relaxation and determination were seen as Complementary Opposites, I'll now briefly consider some other situations where the same principles could apply.
- To start off by sticking with my work - when teaching students how to do rhyming poetry I always explain it as involving a combination of imagination and analysis, because if your imagination gives up when you are trying to write a certain line, you can get round this by noting what word the end of that line is meant to rhyme with and listing all the possible words which could fit that rhyme. This analytical process usually provides you with dozens of possible words, each of which could provide a spark for your imagination to come up with a way to continue the poem. Equally, by regularly returning to the more imaginative side of your brain you avoid this 'word-search' exercise becoming abstract and boring.
- When things go badly - for example, if you're stuck waiting for a bus - you can avoid getting too frustrated by realising that if it wasn't for these negative experiences you would never get to experience the joy which wells up within you when you do eventually see that bus come round the corner. Equally, when things go well, you can avoid going into a deluded, slightly manic state by realising that such experiences are part or an overall deal which will also at some point involve things not going the way you want them to.
- Moving on to the subject of relationships - you can appreciate a person more by being aware that one day you will lose them, and equally that loss will be easier to come to terms with if you feel that you did fully appreciated them while they were still around.
- You can become more independent by being willing to ask another person for their support, but equally you'll find it easier to ask for their support if you realise that by doing so you will gain in strength and eventually become more independent.
- An obvious failing in the psyche of the typical man from Yorkshire - which is where I grew up - is that he tends to avoid emotional involvement by keeping up a bluff and potentially superficial front. On the other hand, this attitude can have its uses if you need to balance things up by making a yang intervention - for example, if you find yourself in a situation where everyone feels obliged to be nice or is getting too sentimental, you can break out of this by saying something jokey but confrontational.
- You can develop your own perspective by orientating yourself within a certain tradition, and equally develop a deeper understanding of that tradition by trying it out for yourself, in your own way.
- You can accept the need to struggle and equally struggle to develop the ability to accept things.
- One of the most essential splits in many people's lives - that between emotional and rational - can also be seen in terms of Complementary Opposites. Any insight which can be explained in purely rational terms will also have an emotional significance for the person who has had that insight. If this emotional side is expressed alongside the rational explanation then the whole thing acquires a greater depth and it also means that you are communicating on more than just one level. Equally, if you feel strongly about something, then being able to analyse rationally what is going on inside of you can only make you more emotionally articulate, or in other words, better able to communicate what you are feeling.
- Another obvious pair of Complementary Opposites would be innovation and consolidation.
- By way of expanding the scope of this brief list, it occurred to me recently that if the Scottish migrants who moved to America had remembered their own experiences during the Highland Clearances - i.e. if they'd remained focused on their past, as well as their future - then they might have avoided getting drawn into the general oppression of America's native population.
- Having said all this, it might perhaps have been easier to make my point by just repeating a quote which I once saw on a postcard: "Washing-up makes cooking possible, Cooking makes washing-up possible."
- Finally, if for any pair of Complementary Opposites there is also an Essential Quality, then it might also be worth asking, "What would be the relevant Essential Quality for each of these Complementary Opposites?"
Mick Parkin is the convenor of a Zen group in the city and would welcome enquiries. He would enjoy correspondence about any issue raised by this article.
