I was privileged to be with Iris on two occasions during her final days, when she had gone over to palliative care and was, with cheerful equanimity, waiting to move on... A long dedicated Follower of the Way, Iris had admirably completed the Work, and recently had had two out-of-body experiences -- a preliminary reconnaissance perhaps? I was hugely impressed and not a little envious!
Iris was pleased with the Guan Yin dedication which I offered her, and especially its concluding words: "May I die a good and peaceful death, and may the triumph of my death benefit all beings, living and dead." At last I know what this means. As I kissed her at the end of our long friendship, we both experienced a strong sense of being together in timeless time. Fare thee well, Iris, love.
Black reef ahead
but in the rigging
the song of the wind
Ken Jones
About three hours after Iris' death I picked up the message left by Analise (Iris' good friend). I sat down, wept and meditated, did some chanting for her then I went to visit her and her family. It was pouring with rain and very windy.
When I arrived, a nurse and Iris' sister were bathing Iris and putting on new clothes for her. It was around 5pm when I could finally go to her room and see her. I said, 'Iris, nice to see you, I know you can still hear me. You had a very good life. You look peaceful now, I am very happy for you. Don't worry about anything, you can go freely now. Please let me know what I can do for you.' After talking to her, I sat by her side for some time, her family joined me from time to time. I continued to sit with her for a number of hours. I was occupied on Sunday, and could not go to visit her and her family but they were in my mind.I went again on Monday. Sister Analise and Vicar David who led the service for Iris came too. We, 6 of us, 3 family members and 3 spiritual family members, sat together with her for a while and then they asked me to do some chanting for her. I did The Heart Sutra and Gate Gate Mantra 108 times. It was raining very hard when we started but after the chanting the sun came out! It was exactly 48 hours after her passing away and it felt like Iris was saying good bye to us. In the afternoon we had a meeting about the funeral service, and then she was put into the coffin and brought down from her room to the front room ground floor. I worked and talked with Iris's family and we had a very nice meal together cooked by Iris's sister. She and George were holding Iris' hand, when she was passing away.
Although Iris is not here anymore, I know my friendship with Iris will continue and I can continue my care for her through caring for her family. I experienced life and death as well and joy and sorrow. Through interaction with Iris and her family I was brought to the deepest place of my heart and saw human nature and love. I also faced feelings of fear of the death and I learnt deep Love between parents, children and friends. I also realized Life is so precious and cherish-able, we can't afford to waste it.
Jin Ho
Some of my strongest memories of Iris are from 1998, when we both went on John Crook's inspiring trip to Ladakh and Spitti. She was a good travelling companion, fully engaged with what we were all experiencing, usually calm and quietly organised. Her tiny shared tent was definitely the neatest. It was her sixtieth birthday the day we set off from Hemis Gompa over some of the highest mountain passes in the world, and at breakfast time a man on a motorbike bumped up the rough track from faraway Leh bearing a birthday cake in a box, tied with blue ribbon. A light sponge & cream cake, encased in brittle white icing with intricate vivid pink and green decorations spelling out 'Happy Birthday Iris'. I took a photograph of her sitting in the bright Himalayan sunlight, her hands held up in delight, several white kata scarves around her neck, a birthday card signed by us all in her lap, and that magnificent cake, about to be cut up and shared out for breakfast. It was very sticky and sweet.
Nick Salt
Iris was a very special and wise person. I came to know her through the Bristol Chan group particularly through meeting with her for supper before the group began and also co-running day workshops which aimed to introduce children to meditation. I always respected the great care with which Iris approached these situations. We were always very well prepared for the workshops (mainly because of her!) and we always had to finish our supper well before the evening meditation group began, and ell before anyone arrived so that she could prepare herself in meditation. This careful preparation saw her through right to the end of her days. She was not only prepared for death but fearless, despite the fact that her body was extremely challenging.
I had the honour to visit her right up to a few days before she died. On one of these occasions she wanted very much to help with a challenging situation that I was facing, despite that fact that she was dying; 'Look deeply at your anxiety' she said, 'What is it realy about?' This was characteristic of Iris, always wanting to help, share her insights. She was indeed a very generous person.
One of the last times I saw hershe was in her bedroom with a Buddha altar and prayer beads in her hands. She was using them to chant when she felt in pain. I am so grateful for having known her, and will never forget the precious way in which she has guided me.
Alysun Jones
Iris and I 'share a constellation' (her observation) on our Quaker/Chan path. We met at Shifu's retreat in 1995 at Maenllwyd where we shared in the cleaning of the refectory and first laughed together, when the 'mouse shit' by Shifu's plate turned out to be pumpernickel crumbs! With impeccable attention and typical generosity she accompanied me as a member of my 'support group' during my year as a grant holder for the Joseph Rowntree Charitable Trust' (from '97-'98), simply listening, once a month, to the unravelling of traumatic loss with skilful, unspoken compassion. During our recent bedside farewell we experienced a wordless knowing that this deep connection is indeed, 'beyond birth and death'. It felt just right to be at Glasshampton monastery (SSF) when she died. This is where we met to practice regularly, a place of silence and prayer, a place she loved. The Franciscan Brothers prayed for her to 'rest in peace'. At her funeral wake I learnt that the 'wonderful blue flower' (see photo, taken at Bristol Cathedral on July 20th where we listened to an address by Archbishop Rowan Williams and he hugged her 'goodbye') was an agapanthus. This name comes from the Greek 'agape' (spiritual love/fellowship) 'anthus' (flower). Iris offered this quality to so many. She never faltered in her quest. Her life and death fulfilled her dharma name, 'result of the middle way'. In gratitude, with tears, letting go.
Marian Partington
