Illusory Self

In The Sutra of Complete Enlightenment is an important teaching about the illusory self that chauffeurs us around samsara.

The Sutra of Complete Enlightenment, in the chapter ‘Bodhisattva Cleansed of All Karmic Obstructions,’ states:

Virtuous man, since beginningless time all sentient beings have been deludedly conceiving and clinging to the existence of self, as the essence of a real self, thereby giving rise to dual states of like and dislike. Thus, based on one delusion, they further cling to other delusions. These two delusions rely on each other, giving rise to the illusory paths of karma. Because of illusory karma, sentient beings deludedly perceive the turning flow [of cyclic existence]. Those who detest the turning flow [of cyclic existence] deludedly perceive nirvana, and hence are unable to enter [the realm of] pure enlightenment. It is not enlightenment that thwarts their entering; rather, it is the idea that ‘there is one who can enter.’ Therefore, whether their thoughts are agitated or have ceased, they cannot be other than confused and perplexed.

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche said that

The idea of an enduring self has kept you wandering endlessly in the realms of samsara for countless past lifetimes. It is the very thing that now prevents you from liberating yourself and others from conditioned existence. If you could simply let go of that one thought of “I” you would find it easy to be free and free others, too. 

But do we really perceive of a thought that is “I”? I think for most of us it is a very abstract idea.

Sometimes on retreat a teacher will ask, “who is sitting?” “who is walking?” These can be very misleading questions because we don’t immediately identify any such activity with a “who.” We just sit or walk in a fog. Perhaps someone calls our name and then we partially wake up. This is not to say that the deep concept, the understanding, and the functioning of self are not operative within us. If we weren’t misled by a false sense of self, there would be no need to study Buddhadharma. The illusion is powerful, but the underlying reality is not directly accessible to us. If we try to look for the self, we have to look for its traces, the subtle underlying motivation for all of our actions. Otherwise, when we think of self or identity, we imagine getting out our driver’s license, social security number, or pay stubs to prove who we are. If we were to actually try to behold the workings of the self, we’d have to look through infinite time and space, so strong is the fabrication and connection to what ultimately turns out to be an illusion.

So the self, or the way we know ourselves, is not really a thing to be identified.

That is why it is so confusing when someone first hears the teaching of anatta, the concept of not-self or no-self. It’s common for someone who is first introduced to this concept to ask, “You mean I don’t exist?” Of course, anyone who asks that question is neglecting to ask, “Who is it who’s asking the question: ‘You mean I don’t exist?’”

In short, the idea of self, as central and important to us as it is, is rather abstract and unreal, even though it is the only reality ordinary sentient beings tend to know. We don’t wake up in the morning and say, “well, here’s my self waking up, my self drinking coffee, my self getting on the bus. We’re concerned with all our plans and desires and fears and conceptions in general. This concept of “self ” is rarely foremost in our minds, yet there is something that seems to be motivating us.

Rather than look for the self as a thing or something that defines who you “are,” try to understand the self as a pattern of actions.

If I’m planning to have dinner with a friend tonight, a flurry of thoughts will pass through my mind. That activity is the self. If I think about a problem I’m having with my car and I want to get it repaired, those thoughts are the self. If I think about an argument I had with my wife or child five years ago, that memory is the self. There is a cliché of something that is hidden in plain sight. That is an accurate characterization of self.

“Self ” is a noun and nouns seem to have “thingness” associated with them, even if they are abstract nouns like “injustice,” “love” or “beauty.” They may seem abstract but they are often solidified in the mind - they are “mind things,” which we hold on to or push away.

But then when we look at the self as a pattern of actions, another problem comes up: Buddha said: “so indeed, these states not having been, come into being. Having been, they vanish.” Then the Buddha counsels: “Regarding these states, abide unattracted, unrepelled, independent, non-attached, free, not identified, with a mind free of barriers.” Recognizing impermanence, it is possible to elude the clinging that often comes with thinking.

These things that we identify and reify as our “self ” come and go in an instant. Thus, we are basing an enormous amount of energy on false identification, which is unreliable, and in the final analysis non-existent. But the identification with our experience is very compelling, hard to see, and hard to overcome. This is why there are so many teachings that point out some very basic errors in our perception and understanding. As Wei Wu Wei said, “Whoever thinks that they exist objectively is like a dog barking up a tree that isn’t there.”

So, I will close with a teaching that may seem simpler than the passage from The Sutra of Complete Enlightenment.

The Buddha gave his son, Rahula, very straightforward instructions as to how to orient his mind towards whatever is experienced: Rahula, any form whatsoever that is past, future, or present; internal or external; blatant or subtle; common or sublime; far or near: every form is to be seen as it actually is with right discernment as: 'This is not mine. This is not my self. This is not what I am.'

This is perhaps a more accessible and understandable passage than the one that we have been discussing, but in essence, it is no less profound. It is applicable at anytime, anywhere, to any mind state. With this observation and understanding, there will be no room for deluded thoughts, states of mind, or discrimination.

Bibliography

Complete Enlightenment: translation and commentary on The Sutra of Complete Enlightenment by Chan Master Sheng-yen, Dharma Drum Publications 1997 and Shambhala 1999.