Family therapy and Buddhism
two traditions, two authors, one article
Being
For many years our professional lives and personal /spiritual lives have had a curious intertwining. We have similar and different backgrounds and have interests in both family therapy and Zen Buddhism. We have worked together as family therapists and at work so often our discussions have drifted to spirituality and Buddhism. We have sat in meditation together in our own little Sangha group and so often here our discussion has turned to family therapy.
Thoughts Arise and Thoughts Pass Away
Zen Buddhists meditate in front of a wall, a method that date back to the Buddha's own technique at least 2,500 years ago.
My body gradually settles into a restful (though not comfortable) position. My mind does the opposite. It seems that when I sit still, my mind takes this as an excuse to work overtime. Sometimes I get lost in these thoughts; at other times I manage just to notice how my mind works and then that train of thought drops. This keeps happening during the half an hour of 'sitting' or Zazen. My mind puts up all sorts of obstacles to non-activity. Memories arise: some have emotional impact; others such as tiredness seem to excuse a mental wandering. Bodily discomfort spreads: I must scratch that itch on my knee. Somehow, and it isn't always associated with time spent sitting, a moment comes when the mind stops its games. Experience is. I only know that happens after it has happened. Then my mind begins its dialogue again. My ego thinks it has achieved something, so once more I return to watching the experience. Like sitting beside a river. Watching thoughts, feelings, desires and memories arise and pass away.
Thinking
How do Buddhism and therapy relate? What do Buddhist thinking and practices bring to the theory and practice of therapy? We have pondered these questions in many ways and what we would like to do here is to offer to others some of the distillation of our ideas. A kind of "Cooks tour" of the area. We think there are three types of relationships between psychotherapy and a Buddhist perspective and we will look at each in turn.
1. In the first relationship type there is an intellectual activity in which traditional Buddhist psychological conceptions of psychology are used as a guide to therapeutic practice. This also includes the practical application of Buddhist ethics. These tend to rely heavily on the Indo-Tibetan view of human action and emotionality. An example of this is David Brazier's book 'Zen Therapy'. Within this approach one can also find the practice of psychotherapy explained or interpreted via traditional Buddhist texts. Robert Rosenbaum 's 'Zen and the Art of Psychotherapy' is a good book of this type. For example, he uses ideas from the Heart Sutra, which outlines a view of the 'emptiness' of things to explain what happens when someone investigates the 'self' in therapy. If things have no inherent quality other than their own being what is the self-construction of the 'Self'. In therapy clients (and therapists) struggle with the self they believe themselves to be and seek to experience the beingness that emerges from behind this self-construction. "When knowing and not knowing meet, who is it that truly comes forth? In another paper we have described this type of approach to spirituality as an "instrumental" one, in that the therapist consciously uses ideas and concepts from the spiritual domain to apply to therapeutic practice.
It may surprise some that there is a psychological theory both implicit and explicit in Buddhist thought but this is what marks this particular brand of spirituality out from others. As it is rooted in meditation, Buddhism has always included a theory of mind. The Buddha also built his teachings on the nature of human psychological suffering, therefore quite clearly Buddhist thought has a lot to offer psychotherapy.
2. The second approach is also an instrumental one and bases itself on a specific relationship and process that is found particularly within Mahayana schools of Buddhism (especially the Chan or Zen traditions). A Zen approach would see no difference between someone seeking to resolve a personal dilemma or issue and a 'seeker of the way'. The seeker of the way is advised to find a teacher who can offer instructions and guidance on methods and give feedback on experiences. This relationship is seen in active form primarily on a retreat through the interview between teacher and trainee known by its Japanese title of 'dokusan'. It is this relationship/interview to which Haley refers (1994) when he says ". Zen Buddhism is apparently the oldest continuing procedure in which one person sets out to change another". The usual way people know of dokusan is through the stories of what the master said to the trainee. However this is to overfocus on the content or to be more accurate to overfocus on minor elements of the interaction rather than on the overarching process of the ongoing teacher/trainee dialogue within the context of the trainee developing awareness. This link between therapy and Buddhism tends to encourage the view of the interaction as a metaphor for therapy rather than seeing it as an actual process of change that has relevance to the psychotherapist. Some masters have written about the process of dokusan and numerous trainees have described their experiences of it in the retreat context. (See Crook 1991). These insights into the process of change have an essential relevance to the psychotherapy. In the interaction between spirituality and therapy the role relationship between the seeker (client) and the teacher (therapist) is maintained and the understanding and techniques from one area are applied to the other. It still retains an instrumental relationship however and indeed the therapist can apply it with out subscribing to the spiritual tradition.
3. The third approach of Buddhism to psychotherapy is the most straight forward but the most difficult to talk about. It is approaching the world with the luminosity of the Zen mind. Now at his point the intellectual reader will say "Ah now we go into the jargonised doctrine" on the contrary now we go into experience!!! Buddhism points out and then teaches that problems of the mind dissolve when there is no duality, no differential of subject and object. "Not two and not one". This is achieved not by an intellectual understanding but through experiences that are obtained primarily from meditative practices. We suggest that those who have obtained some benefit from their own meditative practice and who have become able to appreciate the nature of thought, the mind and non duality bring a different quality to their work with others. It is evident that one of the reasons numerous psychotherapists from the west have embraced Buddhism is that its core ideas/practices make very good sense to those engaged in being a therapist.
Zen in the art of family therapy is being part of the flow of the moment. As Zen masters say "When walking walk, when sitting sit" to which we can add "when doing family therapy do family therapy". This is the process of flow that can arise with any skill - doing something in which the doing does it (not the person trying to do it). Those who have experienced 'the flow' will know that it arises without conscious effort and what happens when interacting with others is that in a very real direct way the need to be meaningful is lost but the feeling of oneness with the process is pervasive. Of course this process of 'flowing' comes with experience in any activity and what is clear from the experience of Buddhists is that it is a process that can be found in every aspect of life indeed in living itself. And this can be attained and enhanced through the process of becoming a 'seeker of the way' and sitting on your meditation cushion. It may also be attained in the process of becoming and being a psychotherapist. As Dogen a 13th century Zen Master states in the Genjo Koan "to study Buddhism is to study ourselves" (Tanahasi 1985). Buddhism is a way to answering the question "Who am I?" and finding an answer that allows us to live our lives. "To have some deep feeling about Buddhism is not the point; we just do what we should do, like eating supper and going to bed. This is Buddhism" (Suzuki 1970). Human problems arise because of the way that we construct our understanding of the world and for each combination of individuals, for each context, there are a myriad of way of conceiving and viewing what is happening. Our 'mind' constructs something and we respond to the construction.
To which our post modern social constructionist family therapist adds "yes of course and therapy is about helping people realise that they have choices and that we can construct our world differently and more helpfully." To which our ancient 2,000-year Buddhist sage adds "Agreed, but are you willing to take a step in the unknown and wonder what would happen if you gave up, suspended construction? What is there when there is no construction? Who is there when there is no construction happening?" This cannot be answered intellectually (though many try). It can only be answered from the experience of it - by eating supper, going to bed and perhaps doing therapy. To complete the Dogen quote above "To study ourselves is to forget ourselves" - is that an achievement for the reflexive practitioner like just eating and sleeping? In this relationship between the spiritual and therapeutic no distinction is made as both are the same thing, all are seekers and all are attempting to express their natural selves. We have termed this approach to spiritually one of the "integrative" approaches as the practitioner is expressing his/her spirituality directly in the therapy process and actively pursues the link.
This view about how to live our lives is not now solely held within Buddhism for interestingly post modern Christian theologians also have arrived at this very 'Zen' position. Don Cupitt (1997) has argued that in our post modern world we can no longer look for a spiritual practice which posits any 'outside', 'real' being who intervenes in peoples' lives. Rather he asserts that because our culture now lives on the outside of ourselves we should adopt an ethic of "Solar living". This ethic demands that we live like the sun pouring out our self-expression and being fully present in the moment of existence. "We can get ourselves together only by leaving ourselves behind" he writes. Why is it that when family therapists have adopted post-modern ideas, they have not considered post-modern spiritualities as well? There has been an assumption within constructionism that it rejects spirituality because of its humanistic, languaged based philosophy. However Buddhists and now some Christians make the opposite assumption that precisely because the reality we construct is language and thought based there is a need to move beyond this and hence spirituality has an essential place within our lives.
Given all the above it is interesting to speculate what a family therapy course based on Zen principles would be like. It would teach techniques and skills and the process of forgetting them. It would elaborate and discuss the whole range of theoretical ideas and how to give them up. It would talk about integration of mind, body, ideas, clients, being, theories, skills, therapists, naturalness. It would focus on the awareness of the moment and it would teach meditation so that trainees studied themselves beyond mere 'personal development'.
Doing
In the course of working with a depressed mother who feels she can give no more to her children I find myself asking, "Imagine you were 75 years old and knew you were going to die the next day, what would you have to do between now and then to feel that your life had been worthwhile?"
As I ask the question, I ask myself it too.
I am stuck. I do not know what to say. The family has said all they can. We look at each other and become embarrassed by a silence.
I offer my thoughts. "I sometimes feel embarrassed when there is nothing to say."
"That doesn't mean there's nothing to do." Says a father who has not contributed much.
"Good grief John, that something deep from you." Says his wife.
"All things are possible," he says.
"Yes," I add, "all things are possible.
We laugh together at the challenge and foolishness of it all.
References
- Brazier, D, (1995). Zen Therapy. Constable. London.
- Crook, J. (1991). Catching a Feather on a Fan. Element Books. Shaftesbury, Dorset.
- Cupitt, D. (1997). After God; The future of religion. London; Weidenfeld and Nicolson.
- Haley, J. (1994). Zen and the art of therapy. Family Therapy Networker,Jan/Feb.1994
- Rosenbaum, R. (1999) Zen and the Heart of Psychotherapy. Brunner/Mazell. London.
- Suzuki, S. (1970). Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Weatherhill. New York.
- Tanahashi, K (Ed.) (1985). Moon in a Dewdrop; Writings of Zen Master Dogen. North Point Press. San Francisco.
- The authors have an extended reading list which they are happy to send to anyone interested in this area. Contact Eddy Street.
- © Mark Rivett and Eddy Street, UK 2000. May not be quoted for commercial purposes. Anyone wishing to quote for non-commercial purposes may seek permission from Eddy Street
