Dharma Library

I arrived not knowing what the retreat was going to be like. I knew we would investigate the question “who am I?” but preferred to find out how once I got there to avoid expectations or anxiety. I was very much looking forward to the luxury of having everything organised for me. I would not have to make any decisions, just follow instructions and bells. This time, I didn't even wear a watch and it…

I am not sure where or when the journey to Maenllwyd began, but it had its roots long before the day of our arrival for a Western Zen retreat in February. It was a relief to arrive on that darkened Welsh hillside, and somewhat surreal to enter the gas-lit farmhouse and find a small crowd of other retreatants, talking, laughing, drinking tea – all of whom had also made their own journeys there on…

I was amazed to see how much came up during the communication exercises.

It went on till the last exercise unhindered by my attempt to tie things up and put a nice bit of wrapping paper around them.

It can be summarized in 'Who am I when nothing is happening?' because I really do not know who I am when I am not continually adding to my sense of self by putting a few more compliments in my nice…

I had never been on any kind of retreat before I arrived at the Western Zen retreat at Maenllwyd in November. It was something I had been building up to for quite some time. I knew I was searching for a path, and I was increasingly convinced that this may help me to begin walking it. But I didn’t know what to expect from my time. Some 15 years before, I had done a brief Buddhist meditation course,…

I arrived at my first Western Zen retreat with no expectations and was looking forward to spending five days meditating in the beautiful Welsh countryside. When I arrived I felt immediately at home in the old converted farmhouse and the fact that there was no electricity supply only added to the atmosphere.

I had been on many retreats previously but this was my first retreat combining both…

The WZR was my first retreat with the WCF. Before that I had been practicing Zen in the Soto tradition for about eight years. I participated in about half a dozen sesshins with Roshis from Japan, and sitting one period of forty minutes daily at home.

What brought me to the WCF were two things: firstly at his age Roshi had became too fragile to come to Europe to hold sesshins; secondly and more…

The retreat gave me a space and context to deal with a situation that seemed overwhelming and allowed me to feel grief and sadness freely, without any preconditions or parameters but just simply for what they were. It helped me to reconnect with my feelings and allow them to flow through me or out of me. The support of the group and everybody working together on their inner world within the…

As I neared Maenllwyd I could see where I needed to get to as I recognised it from the pictures but I wasn’t sure which way to go. One way had a closed gate and appeared to go further away from where I wanted to be, and the other way was an open gate and appeared to head more in the direction of where I was trying to get to. I decided to take the route which seemed to go towards where I wanted to…

We had been curious about the Western Zen Retreat after hearing about it - it was a process that had been developed by Dr. John Crook, Master Sheng Yen's (Shifu's) first Western Dharma heir. At first we thought the retreat was for beginners, only because we had been told that the retreat was a good way for those new to Chan to start their practice. But after taking part in a number of Western Zen…

The retreat was a scientific experiment and the constants were meditation, eating, working, sleeping, waking, meditating. The repetition of the same actions over time showed the illusions of the mind and how untrustworthy the mind is. After the turmoil came a calm and then an essence appeared.

Who Am I?

I can't describe who "I" am any longer. All labels have dropped as they are all illusions.…