Dharma Library

Lurching up the steep approach road to the Maenllwyd, I liked the feel of a cottage tucked up in the hillside - a Zen mountain temple. Perhaps, not so surprisingly, I instantly recognized one of the participants as an old war-horse from other sesshins. John appeared and made me feel immediately at home. He had a sort of swashbuckling pirate look about him which I rather liked, and an immediate…

I have practised for quite a number of years, receiving help from various people in different traditions. My practice has tended to be erratic, never very strong or sustained - though I might sit every day. Sometimes it has just been half-hearted, but my main problem has been doubting the worth of the practice, and more importantly doubting my own ability to practice fully or make any real…

All through the retreat Shifu spoke about compassion. It hit home, as it always has in previous retreats, but at those times, save for a shiver here or a sniffle there, nothing out of the ordinary came of it. Not so on Thursday afternoon. Shifu had us stand for a session of prostrations, but he introduced a method I had never encountered before. Usually he has us contemplate the movement of the…

My stay at Maenllwyd was a gift which I received with gratitude. It has given me deep insights which will always remain. I have sought the truth for many years, joining this group or that, always looking outside myself, out there, beyond. The concentrated watching, the allowing of my mind to express itself are things which I have avoided, the associated feelings being only partially felt and then…

Several times during my retreat at Maenllwyd I was reminded of the many weeks I have spent alone walking in the High Pyrenees. The aching legs, back neck and shoulders; the relentlessness of the load on my back; the near exhaustion and mental stupor; the gratitude for occasional breaks with their slow recovery of the determination to go on no matter what. The recurrent question in my mind "Why on…

I arrived at the farmhouse a complete innocent. I had not the faintest idea what I was in for and this was just as well or I would never have come at all! My only expectation was that the scenery would be beautiful. 'Experiencing a Buddhist Retreat' was one of the many adventures I'd decided to undertake. I thought 'It may as well be now'. There were intimations that it would be difficult but I…

Dokusan:

"I'm frightened!"
"How big do you feel?"
"Oh - small"
"How old are you?"
"Seven".
"Be kind to the little boy inside you. Go and look into his fear."

Back on my cushion, the little boy in me and I talked together.

"Why are you hiding?"
"I'm scared."
"Why?"
"Dad's going to beat me."

And as we talked it through, and I cried with fear, my heart went out to the little boy in my memory. I comforted…