Dharma Library

Before setting off on my journey to the retreat I was looking forward to the train journey and to a few hours walking before arriving at the Maenllwyd and I was excited at the prospect of coming on another retreat. However as I walked from Caersws the beautiful scenery only occasionally managed to break through my mental meanderings and I felt rather grumpy at the prospect of more communication…

I arrived at Maenllwyd with a willingness to open to the fullness of my experience, and to be present with that which I regarded as difficult or challenging. I had already been deeply touched by my travelling companions generosity and thoughtfulness regarding our travel arrangements, and my heart was warm and open as we drove through the gates that lead us along the track towards Maenllwyd.

Upon…

Since attending the WZR at Pinebush (2004) I have been listening to tapes of John's talks frequently while driving. Earlier today, driving along and listening, John's question: "Are you that question?" in one of his talk segments about "Tell me who you are." triggered something which caused me to exclaim: "That's it!". It is difficult to explain the shift in my definition of "I" and certain…

Holidays are a complete waste of time!

That's a bit harsh, but you know what I mean. Two days back at work, and where did that wonderful, relaxed 'holiday essence' go? Just like last year, it slipped through your fingers again.

How about if it hung around for a bit longer?

It was with something like this on my mind (and considerable trepidation) that found me driving to Maenllwyd, a remote…

A few miles from the Maenllwyd I telephone home. I squirm like a little girl as I sign off with my partner who reassures me that I'll be OK. Going up the track I pass a departing taxi driver who clearly feels a kindly amusement at my foolishness. I pull into the yard and draw up my handbrake as I look at the seated men in my rear view mirror promising myself that I am not going to get out. With my…

John Rowan has made immensely important contributions to contemporary psychotherapy and humanistic psychology in Britain. We were therefore delighted when he expressed a wish to join us on retreat. Here are his valuable reflections on his experience. We send him our best wishes. Come again John!! (Eds)

Thursday 20th

Went to catch the 2.10 train to Birmingham-Shrewsbury-Llandrindod Wells. Got to…

It was the first time in seven years that I had been back to Maenllwyd. I had not seen the new Chan hall and was very impressed with the conversion. Sleeping arrangements had improved vastly though the slightly hillbilly, unkempt hay barn look had sadly disappeared.

As to the retreat. Sitting was not bad at all. Slightly more formal than in the old upstairs room. But plenty of zafus. Not much…

In the yard, after the rain, every step makes mud. Why do I hate the squelching?

Mixed-up youth, far-out experiences. I first read about Zen, as a 15-year-old in 1966, in Alan Watts' "The Way of Zen". I was immediately attracted by the sense of the Zen masters knowing something that was wonderful yet ordinary in that it was always present. From that time, for perhaps 7 years, I read much about…

I felt an immense sense of fear and trepidation when I sent my cheque in for my first WZR. Previous to this my record at sitting was about 12 minutes, during which I would usually get terribly restless and my ankles would hurt due to the amount of sport I have played. On the other side I had spent years devouring books on Buddhism and quite a few other `isms' too. My father had always been…

I arrived at Maenllwyd, in the deepest despair I have ever known - the 'dark night of my soul'. Having been to an Introductory Chan Retreat a few months previously, I had some dim awareness that this was a place where I could safely be, that is, be allowed to be, in that dark night.

And indeed, I was in a place, and with people, who accepted my existence well before I could.

I had spoken to…