Dharma Library

I arrived not knowing what the retreat was going to be like. I knew we would investigate the question “who am I?” but preferred to find out how once I got there to avoid expectations or anxiety. I was very much looking forward to the luxury of having everything organised for me. I would not have to make any decisions, just follow instructions and bells.

This time, I didn't even wear a watch and…

…The next morning I sat with Dan in his ‘office’. The office was a little log cabin, perched on the side of the mountain, with a wide open door and incense wafting out. His eyes were amused and his feet looked cold as he questioned me.

‘So what?’ he told me. ‘So what if you have the answer? So what if you don’t. So what if you feel your emotions. So what?? Acknowledge it, accept it, and let it…

I have found it difficult to put into words the profound experience of confronting myself which the Investigating Koans retreat gave me. Your early morning short but very precise talks about the practice always answered some searching questions about what to pay attention to in terms of the practice. When, after the exercises, you asked the group encircled just outside the entrance to Gaia House…

The third week in March I participated in a 7-day silent Koan Retreat at Dharma Drum Retreat Center in upstate Pine Bush, New York. Seven days spent focusing on a short exchange between a head monk and a zen master written maybe a thousand years ago. 7 days of silence.

On the second day we were directed to pick the koan or huatou (basically the punch line of a koan, used commonly by Ch’an, the…

This was my second Retreat with the WCF; my first a little over 9½ months ago was the introductory Taste of Chan with Fiona in Derbyshire. Prior to that I had no experience of meditation at all.

If the first Retreat helped me to understand and accept events impacting significantly upon my life the second, a Western Zen Retreat at Maenllwyd, surprisingly helped to clear out baggage I had been…

…My job in the work period was to clean and maintain the composting toilets! Not one of a squeamish nature, I accepted my lot and as the days went on, watching my aversions, I started to appreciate the challenges that the retreat offers.

Watching my mind, both on and off the cushion, was at times quite shocking, to see the relentlessness of my narcissism; everything revolving around me; and the…

…Day two. Koan day. I eventually plumped for one that, rather arrogantly, I believed I could answer. Hah! Silliness. We sat, the Koan playing in my mind as I searched for an answer. After a few sessions, Simon brought in a communication exercise whereby each retreatant sits with another and takes it in turns to answer a question on their Koan. I was coupled with the most open and honest individual…

No internet, no phones - is Joy!
Practicing in silent harmony with others - is Joy!
The Mind becoming still with the passing days - is Joy!
Chopping Onions - is Joy! (and some tears)
Sweeping the kitchen floor - is Joy!
Sarah’s food - is Joy!
Tea and Cake at 4.15pm - is Joy!
No real coffee - is temporary suffering!
Discovering Earplugs - is Joy!
Knocking on the door of the cave of the heart, and finding it…

I have come back from my first retreat with a sense of a body; my arms, legs, knees and feet have all become solid, living parts of me. My body has become a refuge from tumbling, terrorising thoughts and can now bring me, moment to moment, into the world. Prior to the retreat I felt like a wandering head-on-a-stick, a ‘teetering bulb of dread and dream’, looking outwards through dimmed eyes and…

At the age of fifty-six I have found myself in an insecure and troubled place for many reasons: broken long-term relationship, empty coffers, career collapse and a recent bereavement. Chronic insomnia was placing my problems on the brink of mental illness, of hopelessness; my troubled mind shouting loudly all the time to come up with solutions and not succeeding. My mind was so chaotic, troubled…