Dharma Library

heatwave
only the butterflies
still busy

I am a chatterer, verbalising everything in my head all the time, keeping a running commentary going and explaining events to some imaginary listener. It took me a while to realise on retreat that the ‘Silent’ in ‘Silent Illumination’ was not the silence of nature but had to be the silence of me.

I was strict with myself and cut down the flow of the wordy…

Extracts from a report on the Silent Illumination retreat of February 2015.

Thursday

Simon gives another amazing, and uncannily accurate, Dharma talk. It is a huge relief to hear about compassion in Chan. Simon says, “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re all on a solitary retreat” – that would explain it! If this is a solitary retreat, albeit with supportive conditions, no wonder I’ve been…

Silent Illumination retreat report

I arrived to the retreat ill. Nothing really serious, just a sore throat and runny nose, but still I was a bit worried about waking up my room-mates with a cough at night. Moreover before the retreat I had neglected my practice, and now expected the first days to be rather difficult. But surprisingly everything went fine: beautiful sunny weather cured me within…

A Silent Illumination retreat report

Similar to my last retreats I shifted pretty fast into the retreat modus, where thoughts are kept in the background and the focus stays for the most part in the present moment. Generally a very pleasant state.

During the interview Simon said that there is something I keep inside myself – something I do not really look at. We were then discussing that I have…

The following is a practitioner's report of a silent illumination retreat led by Simon Child from November 20-27, 2010. As is the custom, the retreatant's name is not being published. The report was edited for the Chan Magazine by Simon Child.

The first day and a half of the retreat was strangely tumultuous. I have been to retreat many times but this was only the second time this decade that I…

I’m not quite sure why it has taken me until now to write this report, nor why I have decided this moment to do it. Maybe it will become clear as I write it.

The retreat was a Silent Illumination retreat at Maenllwyd with John Crook and Fiona Nuttall in July 2010. Today is 5th November 2010. Maybe the lapse of time is portentous? I can see this as I write it.

The weather was totally beautiful…

The context for attending this retreat feels important. It was the first retreat I had sat as a participant for 2 years - I had acted as Guestmaster on a couple of retreats since then, the last occasion being six months previously on a Western Zen Retreat, when I had sat in on some interviews with the retreat leader. I had really enjoyed this, but I continue to feel it is a privilege to be asked…

Twenty-four of us talked about ourselves, why we had come and our hopes for the coming week. 'Coming home' was a theme for many. My struggles on three previous Shifu-led retreats made it feel more like school camp. My hopes were to learn more about off-cushion practice and the second stage of Silent Illumination, to avoid my usual frustration and despair ... and to lose some weight.

My first sit…

This was the first occasion I had been at the Maenllwyd and from the start it had a magical feel to it - like entering a different time and space. Coming up the track to the house and its surroundings was just like entering a live jewel. At this time of year the place was brimful of bird sound, lambs, insects and wind in the trees. All these and the environment were, as I was to discover, to take…

On the first evening John told us that he was going to teach silent illumination. This is a method that I have felt affinity for, and have begun to use on previous retreats. I have had glimpses of serenity and silence but I have found it difficult to sustain and use at home. Should I stick to my plan of "raising the doubt" as I had set out to do? I decided that the only thing to do was to go along…