Dharma Library

There is no beginning and no end to it, the Sesshin Soto Chan style began on my 49th birthday and ended on my 59th; ten years of ordinary living in one week. So much tension and pain has left my mind-body, and is still leaving me, falling away after another three days. There is much silent stillness now and longer periods of being without thinking, just not habitual and unnecessary stirring this…

I was fortunate to be able to collect Shifu, Guo Yen Hse and Paul Kennedy from the airport. We broke our journey to Wales in Bristol in order to see my family for lunch. As we were leaving and my wife was wishing us well for the retreat, Shifu said, in reference to the retreat, "It's a trick!"

"Yes," my wife replied, "But it's a very good one, and a very necessary one," looking pointedly in my…

The silence becomes very palpable, solid. The quality of experience has been turned up. My koan becomes very distant. What first seemed like a fence, close and restricting, now, has moved to the horizon and eventually disappeared.

Everything seems wrapped in a profound silence which becomes as interesting as the sounds from the distant hills. Things become soft, fine and gentle. They all happen…

This was my first Chan retreat and I was so excited. My life felt calm and stable and I hoped to be able to work through whatever the Universe presented. I also hoped I would learn greater concentration in sitting to deepen my novice practice. On a previous retreat I had perceived the futility of living solely under the influence of my ego states and it seemed pointless not to search further for…

When the plane began to descend on Heathrow I was wondering how I should explain to the immigration officer the purpose of my trip to the UK. Would he feel it strange that a Chinese living in Hong Kong should have come to the UK for a Chan retreat? Would he be suspicious of my words?

For several years I have been looking for an opportunity to receive authentic training in Chan meditation which I…

Lurching up the steep approach road to the Maenllwyd, I liked the feel of a cottage tucked up in the hillside - a Zen mountain temple. Perhaps, not so surprisingly, I instantly recognized one of the participants as an old war-horse from other sesshins. John appeared and made me feel immediately at home. He had a sort of swashbuckling pirate look about him which I rather liked, and an immediate…

I have practised for quite a number of years, receiving help from various people in different traditions. My practice has tended to be erratic, never very strong or sustained - though I might sit every day. Sometimes it has just been half-hearted, but my main problem has been doubting the worth of the practice, and more importantly doubting my own ability to practice fully or make any real…

All through the retreat Shifu spoke about compassion. It hit home, as it always has in previous retreats, but at those times, save for a shiver here or a sniffle there, nothing out of the ordinary came of it. Not so on Thursday afternoon. Shifu had us stand for a session of prostrations, but he introduced a method I had never encountered before. Usually he has us contemplate the movement of the…

My stay at Maenllwyd was a gift which I received with gratitude. It has given me deep insights which will always remain. I have sought the truth for many years, joining this group or that, always looking outside myself, out there, beyond. The concentrated watching, the allowing of my mind to express itself are things which I have avoided, the associated feelings being only partially felt and then…

Several times during my retreat at Maenllwyd I was reminded of the many weeks I have spent alone walking in the High Pyrenees. The aching legs, back neck and shoulders; the relentlessness of the load on my back; the near exhaustion and mental stupor; the gratitude for occasional breaks with their slow recovery of the determination to go on no matter what. The recurrent question in my mind "Why on…