Dharma Library

…My job in the work period was to clean and maintain the composting toilets! Not one of a squeamish nature, I accepted my lot and as the days went on, watching my aversions, I started to appreciate the challenges that the retreat offers.

Watching my mind, both on and off the cushion, was at times quite shocking, to see the relentlessness of my narcissism; everything revolving around me; and the…

Meditation, spirituality and religion can work together; however, they can also work apart.

We can meditate as if doing a technical exercise, engaging neither spirituality nor religion. Meditation works then on the psychological level, similarly to psychotherapy or personal development training. It is usually undertaken to improve our personal situation from within. We don’t feel comfortable…

I was initially drawn to Chan out of a sense of loneliness. Two acquaintances were already participants in the Bristol Chan group: Sarah Bird, whom I knew from yoga practice, and Sally Masheder, a neighbour and fellow GP. I liked them a lot and I wanted to get to know them better. I had started meditation but was searching for a method that suited me. I also wanted to protect the planet and people…

Because of your military background and Sandhurst voice,
Because of your wild white eyebrows, as mobile as eels,
Because I knew you before I knew you,
Because you could see with your third eye,
Because you saw me and smiled,
Because you said, ‘Are you ready for an adventure?’
Because I felt heard and known,
Because of your delight in chocolate biscuits,
Because of the predictability of cauliflower cheese…

When I was asked to write something for New Chan Forum about how I ended up as Simon’s Dharma heir I took a sharp intake of breath. How could I get that down in sentences? It has been a long, perhaps even tortuous, journey with many side roads and incursions into various unexpected places.

I discussed this with some Christian friends of mine who I consider to be part of my wider Sangha and whom I…

…Day two. Koan day. I eventually plumped for one that, rather arrogantly, I believed I could answer. Hah! Silliness. We sat, the Koan playing in my mind as I searched for an answer. After a few sessions, Simon brought in a communication exercise whereby each retreatant sits with another and takes it in turns to answer a question on their Koan. I was coupled with the most open and honest individual…

No internet, no phones - is Joy!
Practicing in silent harmony with others - is Joy!
The Mind becoming still with the passing days - is Joy!
Chopping Onions - is Joy! (and some tears)
Sweeping the kitchen floor - is Joy!
Sarah’s food - is Joy!
Tea and Cake at 4.15pm - is Joy!
No real coffee - is temporary suffering!
Discovering Earplugs - is Joy!
Knocking on the door of the cave of the heart, and finding it…

Today we have a blue sky, with a few little clouds. Yesterday we had plenty of clouds but not so much blue sky. Weather changes. Clouds slide around in the sky. Of course the sky is always blue, but we can’t always see the blue because of the clouds. How do we understand the cloud? A fluffy object floating in the sky; if we know what it’s made of we think of it as water drops. Sometimes it sinks…

I have come back from my first retreat with a sense of a body; my arms, legs, knees and feet have all become solid, living parts of me. My body has become a refuge from tumbling, terrorising thoughts and can now bring me, moment to moment, into the world. Prior to the retreat I felt like a wandering head-on-a-stick, a ‘teetering bulb of dread and dream’, looking outwards through dimmed eyes and…

John Crook used to like to say that the essence of Chan is self-confrontation. I’ve already spoken about Dogen’s saying, “to study the Buddha way is to study the self ”. And on the first evening here a few of you mentioned you came here to understand who you are. Why this emphasis on self, who we are, confronting ourselves. What’s the use of it?

I’ve spoken about how your koans bite back on you,…