Dharma Library

Tantric Retreat, Maenllwyd, July 1994

Driving up to Maenllwyd, knowing that I would be asked, I tried to formulate the reason as to why I wanted to participate in the retreat. I couldn't really think of an answer and was quite relieved when not asked. With hindsight I think that I went because I was curious as to what "Adding Tantra to the Path" entailed and wanted to experience the same "high"…

On the first evening John told us that he was going to teach silent illumination. This is a method that I have felt affinity for, and have begun to use on previous retreats. I have had glimpses of serenity and silence but I have found it difficult to sustain and use at home. Should I stick to my plan of "raising the doubt" as I had set out to do? I decided that the only thing to do was to go along…

I arrived at the retreat in poor shape. I was tired and stressed and, although there were no major problems in my life, the general wear and tear had taken its toll. I always expect the first days of a retreat to be difficult but this time they were exceptionally so. During a previous retreat I had developed a severe middle-ear infection which had required a course of anti-biotics. I had had an…

I felt very much at home sitting around the fire on the first evening, happy I'd come and ready for the retreat. I'd taken a bit more care than usual to prepare myself with additional meditation and tried not to arrive too tired. My wife and I have had a lot of sadness in the last few years, which has beaten us down, and the retreat was a chance to emerge from this. I also wanted to explore the…

A lecture given on retreat at the Meditation Centre, New York, reprinted by kind permission from the Chan Magazine Fall 1993 p19 and slightly edited for this presentation.

Knowing dharmas is not knowing Not knowing is knowing the essential... The highest principle cannot be explained: It is neither free nor bound Lively and attuned to everything It is always right before you. ¹

The Chan sect…

Given on November 14th 1993, published in Chan Magazine, Winter 1995. Presented here lightly edited with permission.

In day to day living, you may find it extremely difficult to settle the mind. It might seem that the only time the mind feels settled is when there is nothing to do. When something happens, either externally or internally, or when you encounter gain or loss, the emotions are…

Text selected from 'The Compassionate Vows of Bodhisattva Samantabhadra'. Chan Magazine Winter 1993 with permission. Lightly edited.

'Living beings' means all sentient beings. Harmonising with living beings means giving to sentient beings whatever they wish. Even so, if they ask for your head, do you give it to them? If they ask for your body, do you give it to them? If they ask for your money,…

I began my second Chan retreat at the Maenllwyd with the method of counting the breath but soon, stimulated by the phrases" Nothing to do. Nowhere to go", I changed to pure breath observation, a relief in its simplicity.

Quite early on I became aware of how my whole body liked to turn very slowly and deliberately around to my left like a spring gradually winding itself up. It was as though I was…

How different my life would have been had I never attended retreats at Maenllwyd I cannot say, but without a doubt my life has changed phenomenally over the last four years. Until then, when I had the good fortune to come on my first Western Zen Retreat, I had been motivated almost entirely by fear and self- doubt. I had a deep rooted sense of worthlessness, critical of self and others. I was…

A Chan Retreat begins for me when leaving home; making the journey as relaxed as possible; taking my time. In the preceding months I'd felt the need for a period of concentrated practice, and was willing and determined to let go of the 'daily round' and make good use of this rare opportunity. I was greeted in the yard by John, whose warm welcome and gesture to park the car sealed my 'arrival'.

As…