Dharma Library

The context for attending this retreat feels important. It was the first retreat I had sat as a participant for 2 years - I had acted as Guestmaster on a couple of retreats since then, the last occasion being six months previously on a Western Zen Retreat, when I had sat in on some interviews with the retreat leader. I had really enjoyed this, but I continue to feel it is a privilege to be asked…

(Written during a three month solitary retreat at Mount Amiata in Tuscany, Italy).

Sitting by the doorstep 
on a dusty sheepskin 
in the early morning, 
a hazy sun warms my cheeks. 
I wonder what will
come to mind? 
I remember my dreams. 
My thoughts are like 
a bird tied to a pole 
by a long string. 
they fly in endless circles 
under the illusion of freedom.

Alone 
all alone 
in an empty room 
in an empty…

Solitary Retreat at Maenllwyd: Sept. 6 - 13th 2005

On arrival, I felt overjoyed to be at the Maenllwyd and tears flowed on seeing the garden's bright flowers. The sign, "Free" on the outside toilet summed up my hopes and expectations for the week. Before unpacking the car I rang the mule bells, then went up to the Buddha room and lay down on the cook's bed in the alcove where I had planned to…

Before setting off on my journey to the retreat I was looking forward to the train journey and to a few hours walking before arriving at the Maenllwyd and I was excited at the prospect of coming on another retreat. However as I walked from Caersws the beautiful scenery only occasionally managed to break through my mental meanderings and I felt rather grumpy at the prospect of more communication…

I arrived at Maenllwyd with a willingness to open to the fullness of my experience, and to be present with that which I regarded as difficult or challenging. I had already been deeply touched by my travelling companions generosity and thoughtfulness regarding our travel arrangements, and my heart was warm and open as we drove through the gates that lead us along the track towards Maenllwyd.

Upon…

Since attending the WZR at Pinebush (2004) I have been listening to tapes of John's talks frequently while driving. Earlier today, driving along and listening, John's question: "Are you that question?" in one of his talk segments about "Tell me who you are." triggered something which caused me to exclaim: "That's it!". It is difficult to explain the shift in my definition of "I" and certain…

A few miles from the Maenllwyd I telephone home. I squirm like a little girl as I sign off with my partner who reassures me that I'll be OK. Going up the track I pass a departing taxi driver who clearly feels a kindly amusement at my foolishness. I pull into the yard and draw up my handbrake as I look at the seated men in my rear view mirror promising myself that I am not going to get out. With my…

Almost as soon as anyone interested in Zen, or indeed almost any form of Mahayana Buddhism, begins to sit with a group of practitioners he or she will encounter the Heart Sutra. Most groups like to include a short liturgy in their evening's 'sit' and it is very probable that the Heart Sutra will form the key element in this. The text is by no means self-explanatory and meditation instructors…

It was the first time in seven years that I had been back to Maenllwyd. I had not seen the new Chan hall and was very impressed with the conversion. Sleeping arrangements had improved vastly though the slightly hillbilly, unkempt hay barn look had sadly disappeared.

As to the retreat. Sitting was not bad at all. Slightly more formal than in the old upstairs room. But plenty of zafus. Not much…

Excerpted from Chan Magazine and lightly edited.

Outwardly like a complete fool,
Inwardly mind is empty and real.

Often, it is a monk who appears slow and some-what dumb who is the great practitioner; and the monk who appears to be extremely sharp and knowledgeable is the one who often needs to practice more diligently. Do not concern yourself with or waste time wondering what your experiences…