Retreat Reports: Koan (Gongan) Retreat

I approached the retreat with some trepidation owing to my being workmaster, my first time on a retreat of any size. Previously I had carried out this role, but only on smaller retreats and very much as an assistant. This time I had to get things organised and, most worrying of all, get up in the morning and get things started! Not only that, but make sure I didn't miss giving any signals and let…

Physically, I did not find the retreat too difficult. Having regularly practised the one hour meditation sessions traditional in vipassana, sitting for half an hour at a time is not much of a problem for me. And the exercises offered during the breaks between sessions were enough to get the stiffness out of my limbs. Alternating between sitting cross legged and kneeling also helped me avoid any…

I was fortunate to be able to collect Shifu, Guo Yen Hse and Paul Kennedy from the airport. We broke our journey to Wales in Bristol in order to see my family for lunch. As we were leaving and my wife was wishing us well for the retreat, Shifu said, in reference to the retreat, "It's a trick!"

"Yes," my wife replied, "But it's a very good one, and a very necessary one," looking pointedly in my…

Several times during my retreat at Maenllwyd I was reminded of the many weeks I have spent alone walking in the High Pyrenees. The aching legs, back neck and shoulders; the relentlessness of the load on my back; the near exhaustion and mental stupor; the gratitude for occasional breaks with their slow recovery of the determination to go on no matter what. The recurrent question in my mind "Why on…

Dokusan:

"I'm frightened!"
"How big do you feel?"
"Oh - small"
"How old are you?"
"Seven".
"Be kind to the little boy inside you. Go and look into his fear."

Back on my cushion, the little boy in me and I talked together.

"Why are you hiding?"
"I'm scared."
"Why?"
"Dad's going to beat me."

And as we talked it through, and I cried with fear, my heart went out to the little boy in my memory. I comforted…