Dharma Library

Walking across the hillside the fresh spring sunlight warmed the skin, the distant fir woods glistened and a pair of buzzards were playing in the sky.

"Funny!" he said to himself, "I am not here."

There were the feet, two of them, his feet, steadily pacing through the grasses; looking down he could see his coat collar and the binoculars hanging from their strap. Lifting his hand he observed the…

We arrived after an incredibly long journey from the north with scattered brain experiences and a chip shop repast. Was this my last meal as a normal human being? The farmhouse seemed a ridiculously long way from the road. And those gates! We seemed tobe travelling deeper and deeper into the mountain but perhaps I was entering more deeply into myself. Voices, torchlight. I recognised John…

The question of lay Zen may appear difficult but it has a blindingly simple answer.

Pay attention!

Paying Attention is part of every practice that I know of, whether watching the breath, repeating the Buddha's name or practising bare awareness or mindfulness. My own practice is little more than just paying attention, greatly illuminated, especially in the early years, by John's magic…

This was the first occasion I had been at the Maenllwyd and from the start it had a magical feel to it - like entering a different time and space. Coming up the track to the house and its surroundings was just like entering a live jewel. At this time of year the place was brimful of bird sound, lambs, insects and wind in the trees. All these and the environment were, as I was to discover, to take…

Previous Western Zen Retreats have been enormously powerful and emotional experiences and I brought with me all sorts of expectations.

My koan was "What is life?" The aspect of my life that came up over and over again was to do with my work, specifically the job I am doing now, which involves four hours travelling a day and is turning out more and more to be not what I want to do.

Last summer on…

1. The Privatisation of the Dharma

Buddhism comes to Westerners as a monkish other worldly religion of meditation embedded in a culture of monasticism. It brings with it all the assumptions of a traditional hierarchical culture where society and nature were perceived as an unchanging back drop to the human condition. Public virtues enjoined upon 'householders' (and even rulers), charitable…

I came to the New York retreat unsure of what to expect. Earlier retreats at Maenllwyd had afforded powerful experiences and insight into dilemmas. In the back of my mind however I began to feel that in some way I was beginning to second guess the retreat process and was becoming too familiar with John's centre in Wales. I wanted to embark on a retreat with no idea of where I might come out at the…

It was a cliff overhang rather than a real cave. But the walls glowed with beautiful lichens, and at one end was a rockfall hung with ferns. I cleared out the sheep dung, set up a little shrine, cut a bed of reeds and laid out my sleeping bag. I was in business at least as a part-time hermit.

Notwithstanding two decades of tough Zen training, I still had a romantic itch for the hermit life - all…

Tantric Retreat, Maenllwyd, July 1994

Driving up to Maenllwyd, knowing that I would be asked, I tried to formulate the reason as to why I wanted to participate in the retreat. I couldn't really think of an answer and was quite relieved when not asked. With hindsight I think that I went because I was curious as to what "Adding Tantra to the Path" entailed and wanted to experience the same "high"…

On the first evening John told us that he was going to teach silent illumination. This is a method that I have felt affinity for, and have begun to use on previous retreats. I have had glimpses of serenity and silence but I have found it difficult to sustain and use at home. Should I stick to my plan of "raising the doubt" as I had set out to do? I decided that the only thing to do was to go along…