Dharma Library

Previous Western Zen Retreats have been enormously powerful and emotional experiences and I brought with me all sorts of expectations.

My koan was "What is life?" The aspect of my life that came up over and over again was to do with my work, specifically the job I am doing now, which involves four hours travelling a day and is turning out more and more to be not what I want to do.

Last summer on…

1. The Privatisation of the Dharma

Buddhism comes to Westerners as a monkish other worldly religion of meditation embedded in a culture of monasticism. It brings with it all the assumptions of a traditional hierarchical culture where society and nature were perceived as an unchanging back drop to the human condition. Public virtues enjoined upon 'householders' (and even rulers), charitable…

Why have I come to this desolate place? Why have I kept pushing myself to find the ultimate 'truth'? Why did I launch myself on this quest, why didn't I just ignore my doubts, close my eyes and enjoy the bliss of uncaring ignorance? Such were my thoughts as I struggled up the muddy path, against a bitterly wet wind, towards the cloud shrouded hills.

My destination was a Dharma retreat, famed for…

I came to the New York retreat unsure of what to expect. Earlier retreats at Maenllwyd had afforded powerful experiences and insight into dilemmas. In the back of my mind however I began to feel that in some way I was beginning to second guess the retreat process and was becoming too familiar with John's centre in Wales. I wanted to embark on a retreat with no idea of where I might come out at the…

A talk delivered at Tibet House in New York City, on 5 November, 1994 and edited by Linda Peer and Harry Miller, edited with permission for NCF by John Crook 1998. In this talk Shifu tells us about the traditional uses to which the Sutras are put in China. Some of us may like to make use of these methods. For Westerners Sutra reading is also important. In particular the oldest Sutras, the ones…

Before we try to understand Linji, from whom our tradition derives, then are some things to be said. Linji seems strange to us; we who are used to cause and consequence and well-drawn argument. We sit and giggle over the delicious way in which the master affronts his questioners. Yet we have no understanding of why he does it. We marvel over the cleverness of a Zen paradox, but we have no insight…

It was a cliff overhang rather than a real cave. But the walls glowed with beautiful lichens, and at one end was a rockfall hung with ferns. I cleared out the sheep dung, set up a little shrine, cut a bed of reeds and laid out my sleeping bag. I was in business at least as a part-time hermit.

Notwithstanding two decades of tough Zen training, I still had a romantic itch for the hermit life - all…

Tantric Retreat, Maenllwyd, July 1994

Driving up to Maenllwyd, knowing that I would be asked, I tried to formulate the reason as to why I wanted to participate in the retreat. I couldn't really think of an answer and was quite relieved when not asked. With hindsight I think that I went because I was curious as to what "Adding Tantra to the Path" entailed and wanted to experience the same "high"…

On the first evening John told us that he was going to teach silent illumination. This is a method that I have felt affinity for, and have begun to use on previous retreats. I have had glimpses of serenity and silence but I have found it difficult to sustain and use at home. Should I stick to my plan of "raising the doubt" as I had set out to do? I decided that the only thing to do was to go along…

I arrived at the retreat in poor shape. I was tired and stressed and, although there were no major problems in my life, the general wear and tear had taken its toll. I always expect the first days of a retreat to be difficult but this time they were exceptionally so. During a previous retreat I had developed a severe middle-ear infection which had required a course of anti-biotics. I had had an…